Hard against hard is always going to result in some sort of explosion!
However hard and triggering it can feel when our children refuse to comply with our instructions – letting our frustration get the better of us and giving them ultimatums is always a sign that we feel powerless.
While some children back down when we threaten to take away TV rights for a week, cancel the birthday party or send them to bed an hour early – ultimately we lose their respect in us and their faith in us weaken.
And then there is the child, whose temperament just won’t allow them to back down when their dignity is at stake. The child who will fight till the bitter end – seemingly unfazed by the threats and desperate measures employed by bewildered parents.
These children teach us a great deal about the importance of remaining the ‘adult’ when emotions get heated. About finding our own stop button.
Out of fear of appearing weak and losing respect, many of us insist on having the last word in these situations.
But the fact is – when things get this heated – the child is no longer concerned about getting his/her own way. Simply to be allowed to save face and be shown a way out!
Hit the PAUSE BUTTON
What pause button, you might ask?
For good reason, because taking a break or a breath even, will feel like the last thing you want to do, once the surge of adrenalin and cortisol is surging through your body – preparing you for fight.
Often it is not till we get to reflect, OUTSIDE of the heated moment, that we can better see that we get more of the same, when we do what we always do. That we can begin to go new ways and get different outcomes, when we decide to practice doing things differently.
The most effective way to pause – is to take a deep breath.
And get CURIOUS – instead of FURIOUS.
But the real reason most of us struggle to resolve these conflicts in ways that feel respectful and loving – is because we struggle with what to do instead.
My ‘Raising a strong-willed child‘ workshop is designed with you in mind.
Because I know that these power struggles erode your confidence and the connection you share with your child. And it need not be this way.
Here’s what the workshop will help with:
- Understanding what strong-will is and what purpose it serves (spoiler.. it’s not all bad)
- Why opposition and defiance feels so triggering
- What makes your strong-willed child WANT to cooperate – and what fuels defiance
- Hands on tools that you can use straight away – to side step power struggles and confidently lead your child
We meet on December 7th (7-9pm)
Bisley Yurt (Enchanted Studios)
You can get your ticket here:
I can’t wait to see you