Our main job is to raise kids who can leave home, become 100% independent and live a happy life. Doing everything or doing too much for them does not set them up for success and can really disable them in the future!
Independence is not something your children just gain by themselves; it’s a gift you can give your children that they will benefit from for their entire lives.
Let’s start by looking at why kids need chores and responsibilities at home: Research shows that the best way to set our kids up for success and happiness is to start with clear, agreed, realistic household chores. This teaches them that to be part of any community, whether that be a family, school, club or just at a friend’s home, everyone needs to share in the workload. It will foster motivation, co-operation, respect and consideration without shouting and nagging. Furthermore, it is a huge confidence boost as it sends our kids a signal that they are trusted, and needed.
Ok so if it is so important why we do still do too much for our kids? At ParentingSuccess we meet parents who say it is because; It is SO much easier and quicker to do it ourselves! It’s my job as the parent – I don’t mind! And often they are confused about how much to expect and how to implement it. It is also just a habit to do it all ourselves – ingrained in us from when they were tiny and they DID need us 100% but we have just not moved on with their development!! Or we might feel sorry for them, if perhaps the child is experiencing social, emotional or academic difficulties and we just want to make home life super easy for them with no expectations.
BUT this is all misplaced love. Love is allowing them to become independent and responsible by taking an agreed share of the responsibilities at home. Also, not only do we disable them for the future we also become a nagging doormat:‘’WHY do I have to do everything for you?!’ Sound familiar?
So: how do we do this and where do we start?
Well, awareness is the first step to change. So from now on just observe how much you are doing for your kids on a daily basis and ask yourself what they CAN and SHOULD do by themselves?
Then have a chat with your child about what he CAN do. Start with the easiest tasks that are related to them (not big jobs i.e. emptying the dishwater) and slowly build up. You might just want to start with ‘you can fill your water bottle’. Then add more as each chore becomes part of the daily routine.
Make sure it doesn’t become a power struggle (after all they are chores that we have put upon ourselves) but a positive thing that will boost their confidence and create a happier home.
Give praise and encouragement and offer lots of positive words and your attention when they DO engage in a chore (even effort needs positive attention).
If you need more support then we run a series of 2 sessions for ‘Parenting Tweens and Teens CLICK here and a series of 3 sessions for toddler and primary children ‘Your Parenting Journey’ CLICK here.
From the ParentingSuccess TeamMore information CLICK here
